“Impostor syndrome describes a situation where someone feels like an imposter or fraud because they think that their accomplishments are nowhere near as good as those of the people around them. Usually, their accomplishments are just as good, and the person is being needlessly insecure. It’s especially common in fields where people’s work is constantly under review by talented peers, such as academia or Open Source Software.” -geekfeminisim.wikia.com

When I’m stressed out, I’m already in a vulnerable place. And start to doubt how awesome I am at what I do. And when I’m stressed out I need time for myself to think about things. Some people feel better if they watch TV, play a game or something. For me, those are distractors. When I’m stressed I need to take the time so I can figure out exactly what’s wrong and why it bothers me so much. Otherwise the same problem will come up again (most likely worse than it was before as I’ve learned this week) and I’ll keep going thru this cycle of feeling stressed then distracting myself then being stressed again with the stress becoming worse and worse each time around.

I had a medical procedure earlier last week. Its my third one in a year, and I had a biopsy and a physical exam. Nothing’s wrong and I’m healthy. But, I really dislike it and I didn’t realize it or admit it to myself until last week. I need some time to heal. And in taking that time then the impostor syndrome becomes more apparent. I feel like a loser/failure for not working 24/7 because otherwise people will think I don’t know what I’m doing. I beat myself up for taking time for myself. Then I become more stressed for beating myself up. And the cycle continues…

So yea, that’s what I’m dealing with right now. Hopefully this explains a little about me and helps someone else dealing with these kinds of things.

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